Book and Media Review--Adopting a Joyful Christmas

After I posted about Do You Have a Little Love to Share, I was interested in learning more about the experiences of Gary and Joy Lundberg in bringing five children into their family through adoption. Here is an article written by Joy Saunders Lundberg about how they found each of their five children through adoption. 

To read the article, click here.

Book and Media Review--Do You Have a Little Love to Share

On occasion, my adoptive mother heart needs to be reminded of the big picture. Sometimes I need another self-pep-talk about how this process is about a child, and about our family. The paperwork and waiting is just a means to the end. It is not the end.

And music speaks to my soul.

So I turn on this CD--Do You Have a Little Love to Share? The Lyrics are by Joy Saunders Lundberg, who is an adoptive mother of five; the music is by Janice Kapp Perry, and the result is a rich spectrum of perspective and feelings about all the faces of adoption.

Hard questions are addressed in song such as "Do you love me as your own?" Another message portrays a birth mother who has empty arms, aching for the babe that now fills another set of once-empty arms. I love that one, because it reflects a birth mother's decision as one of wisdom, love and selflessness.

Some songs are written in jubilant celebration--a father doting on his baby girl, a mother enamored and filled with gratitude for her son, or the celebration of diversity among family members that share the same last name.

This collection of songs is one that I reserve for moments when I really want to connect with the adoption process. It's not all light-hearted music--some of the messages are more profound than fun. But I feel like it has been heaven-sent to me in those moments when I need a beacon of hope to make the next step a little brighter.

If you'd like to hear a sample of the songs, click here. I give it high recommendations for anyone involved in the adoption process.

I'm Just David

In the last several months, a few of David's friends have welcomed baby brothers and baby sisters into their family. Naturally, this has brought up the discussion about when David will get a baby brother or a baby sister. He remembers to ask Heavenly Father for this blessing in every prayer he says. And if either of his parents forget to pray for this blessing, he reminds us and we'll say a quick prayer to include our faith with David's to see this miracle through.

This has also given us occasion to talk to David about his birth. The fact that Heavenly Father sent him to our family. And he grew in AP's tummy before he came to our family. 

I want David to know the miracle of adoption in his life. I want him to know that he joined our family through adoption. I want him to know and love the people that surrounded his birth. I want David to feel comfortable talking about it and asking questions whenever he wants about this event in his life.

That's just what it is. Adoption was an event at his birth. It's not a label. It doesn't define who David is. And it most certainly doesn't designate who he will become.

The other day when I was working on our adoption website, and the subject had been on my mind for several days running, I asked David a question to see what frame of reference he has around adoption.

Me: David, are you adopted?

David: No. I'm just David.

That was the most perfect answer I've ever heard.

There's no "just" about it. He is our David, who lives life bigger than anyone I know.

He is David. No extra labels are really necessary. 

He knows who he is, and that's what is important to me.

Celebrate!--November is Adoption Awareness Month

This is a shout-out to everyone who has ever been part of the miracle of adoption.

So many players on the field to help the miracle happen, and an infinite number of feelings in the mix, too.

We never could have dreamed that this is how we would build our family, but we feel grateful to have had the experience of adopting David. We are in awe at the selflessness of our birth mother. We feel lucky and delighted to be David's parents. We recognize Heavenly Father's love in the miracle of it all.

To promote adoption awareness, here is a link to help all of us better understand positive and appropriate language to use when we discuss adoption.

Celebrate!--Three Years Ago Today

Has it really been three whole years since we found out that we were expecting parents!?! I remember it like it was yesterday--the first phone call from Sam, the initial feeling of disbelief, the news sinking in throughout the day, keeping it our little secret until we had more details, the weak knees, pulling over to the side of the road so I could hear every word the caseworker was saying, the sweaty palms, shaking fingers while we dialed back and forth to each other and to the agency. But most of all, I remember that our feet didn't touch the ground, and nothing else in the world mattered. Never mind that it was the day of a historical presidential election in our nation. 

We were becoming parents, and nothing else in the world mattered. 

For more details, click here.

A letter from us

Dear Friends,

We look forward to loving this child with our whole hearts! Our world has expanded with wonder since we welcomed David into our family. Our first adoption was just about three years ago, and we feel especially glad to have David in our family. We also feel blessed to have an open relationship with his birth mother and her family. Because we are not able to have biological children, we know that our hearts will be filled with love through another adoption.  

There are many reasons we have to be grateful to you. We are grateful that you have chosen to give life to this child so he or she may be raised in a family. We are indebted to you for the sacrifice you are currently making in behalf of the child—through the pregnancy, the decisions, and the labor of giving this child life. We hope to share the joys and successes of this child with you through an open adoption. We look forward to regularly telling our child about the miracle of how he or she joined our family because of your tremendous gift of love.

Sam entered the world of being a Daddy as a real natural! Evoking giggles and squeals, Sam chases David, kicks the ball around the yard with him, or gives some exciting horsey rides through the house. The highlight of David’s day is when Daddy comes home to play with him. Evenings are often filled with countless games of Connect Four, tumbling block towers, stories on Daddy’s lap and taking walks together to find wildlife in our neighborhood. Sam involves David on many levels, such as running errands together or letting him have a front row seat while Daddy uses tools as a way to establish friendship on many different levels. Sam is a thoughtful and affectionate father, and he looks forward to another child joining our family.

Carmin loves being a stay at home mom! She listens to David sing songs while they run errands around town. She’ll watch David run and jump at the local gymnastics arena or along the pathway at the zoo—two places where they frequently go for a daily outing. Her favorite is to feel David’s head against her cheek while reading stories. Carmin wonders how she can grasp just a little bit of his excitement for life—David’s face lights up when he sees a fire truck, a moose, or a block of cheese. We talk together day in and day out, and she feels grateful that David is the center of her world. In fact, all of our children will play that role. As a mother, Carmin looks forward to meeting our next child who will introduce us to their world of wonder and happiness.

David has two favorite books. One is called “Sisters” and the other is called “Brothers.” These books show pictures of sisters and brothers playing together, and as he looks at the pictures, I can see that David longs for a close playmate like a sister or a brother. David is a very social little boy; he quickly and easily makes friends. We look forward to introducing him to a new sibling that will be among his closest circle of friends as his family.

On any given evening, you can find us around the dinner table sharing our meal together. As it comes time to clear away the dishes, David will often ask, “Family night tonight?” When he makes this request, we stop what we are doing for a few minutes and spend time with just the three of us. We sit in a circle on the floor, sing songs together, and share stories. We take turns sharing a “special talent” such as singing a song, jumping high, or counting to ten. This time usually wraps up in about ten minutes—then we move on to the best part! Games! David makes every little game exciting, and he has even invented a few new games on his own.

Our promise to you is that all children placed in our home will be taught the gospel of Jesus Christ. We will not be perfect parents, but we will work hard to ensure that children placed with us will be loved and cared for. We know that much of life’s happiness can be found within a family. We anticipate the day that our family will continue to expand through another adoption.

Love,

Sam and Carmin

Getting to Know Us--Our Beginning

In 2002, Sam and I met when we worked together at lovely Aspen Grove in Provo, Utah. We scooped ice cream in the gift shop together, and developed a wonderful friendship through the summer months. At the end of the summer, we each went our different ways. Occasionally we would check in with each other over the next three years, but we didn't begin falling in love until 2005.


At the end of 2005, we were married in the Salt Lake LDS temple. It was a wonderful day!

We lived in Pocatello, Idaho as newlyweds--while Sam finished a Masters of Business Administration degree at Idaho State University. While Sam was at school, Carmin worked at a child abuse prevention center in Idaho Falls, ID. She had already completed a Bachelor's degree in Child Development, so was happy to work in her field while Sam continued schooling.

Upon completion of Sam's schooling, we packed up and moved to Alaska in 2007. Wow! What a beautiful place! We love the grandeur beauty this state has to offer.

In 2007, we underwent some testing and procedures in hopes of being able to have biological children. When those avenues didn't bless us with children, we began learning about adoption to build our family. In 2008, we began filling out paperwork, and in January, 2009 we were blessed with a little boy. For more on that experience, click here.

Now we feel tremendously blessed to have witnessed the miracles of adoption in our family! We know that Heavenly Father creates families, and we know that he has created ours. We look forward to our next adoption experience as our family grows.

Getting to Know Us--Our Extended Family

Sam grew up as the oldest of four siblings--he has 1 sister and two brothers. His Dad was in the Navy, so they moved up and down the East coast in his early years. On his 13th birthday, Sam's family moved to Ohio, where they still live today.

On Sam's side, we have two adorable nieces, a Nana and a Pappy, and some very fun aunts and uncles. 

 After David was sealed to us with Nana and Pappy, Aunt Meredith, Uncle Aaron and cousins.

 Cousins playing together on the beach.

Our little guy found a real pal in Uncle Hanson!

 

Carmin is the third oldest of ten children and grew up in Peoria, Arizona; her family moved to Mapleton, Utah right before her senior year of high school.

 Carmin with some of her sisters at a retreat in sunny St. George, Utah.

On Carmin's side, we have a Grammy Joyce and a Grampa Chuck, twenty-seven nieces and nephews, and lots of aunts and uncles.

 A happy little boy with his Grammy and Grampa.

Family reunion fun.

While we live in Alaska, we make a huge effort to visit each of our families at least once a year. We talk on the phone and skype with our extended family to stay close to them. Someday we hope to live closer to our extended family, so our children can enjoy their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents on a regular basis.

FAQ--Why do we choose to have an open adoption?

Many people have asked us about our choice to do an open adoption. The idea of an open adoption is relatively new, and we are glad that we have been able to approach adoption with the understanding that an open adoption brings. Some of the key key things unique to an open adoption are:

1--Our children will know from the very beginning that they are adopted and who his/her birth mother is. We will keep a relationship with the birth mother that will allow us to communicate with her, send her pictures, and she will be aware of how our family is growing and progressing.
2--This openness will allow us to teach our children about Heavenly Father's plan for him. We believe that God creates families. And he has created ours by sending each to our family through a birth mother. We hope that this knowledge will help our children to learn more about all the people that love them, as well as a knowledge that heaven knows each of our names and helped us to build our family in this unique way.
3--The openness has also allowed us to get to know our birth mother. We spoke to her on a weekly basis since she made the decision to place her baby with us until the birth, then we have maintained an open communication (mainly through email and skype) since David's birth. All of this communication has helped us to have a basis for our love for her. We would have still felt love for any birth mother that blessed our family with a child, but coming to know her heart has made that love sweeter.
4--Through the openness of this adoption, we have also been able to meet many people that love our birth mother and the life she has brought into the world. We spent a lot of time with her family during the first week of David's life. We have also been able to meet friends from her home town, and they have showered David with rememberances of more people that love him. We truly feel blessed to have all of these people interested in the well-being of our son.
6--Last, but certainly not least, our open adoption has allowed us to develop a level of trust that has surprised us. We came to trust our birth mother that she was going to carry through with the decision to place her baby in our family. We also came to trust her that she was making a huge effort to give our baby a healthy start to life in the way she took care of herself during the pregnancy. And now she is trusting us that we will keep her in touch with our family and share with her the joy David brings to our life.

Book and Media Review--For the Love of a Child: The Journey of Adoption

 

This book is available through Deseret book, and offers a wonderful perspective on the feelings surrounding an LDS adoption. It emphasizes the struggle of decision birth parents are subjected to as they choose the best path for their unborn baby. I loved this book! It was the means for me to cement in my heart the tremendous sacrifice a birth mother/father makes in deciding to place the well-being of their child above their own desires.

Here is the publisher's description:

The journey of adoption is never easy, but it is one of love and growth that can be powerfully redemptive. Adoption transforms the pain felt by all involved as they experience the ways God works in the lives of so many people through one tiny child. For those struggling with the decision to adopt, support an adoption, or place a child for adoption, this book is a must read. With examples of real experiences from a professional perspective as well as personal stories from people whose lives have been changed by adoption, it is filled with useful information and, more important, great hope.

I have no affiliation with Deseret Book, I am just pointing you in that direction for your information.

Celebrate!--Forever Day

On August 15, 2009 our family went to the LDS temple in Washington, DC and David was sealed to us.

For more on what this event means, click here.

It was a very special day for our family, one that is permanently etched in our hearts and our memories.

We celebrate this day each year. 

This year we'll be celebrating with a ring cake--to represent the eternal nature of our family--and pictures of the temple where each of us was sealed to each other. 

FAQ--What is the purpose of a temple sealing in an LDS adoption?

When a couple gets married, they first have to apply for a legal license to create the family union. In the United States, most religious ceremonies double as the legal ceremony for the marriage. This is not the case everywhere in the world--some countries make the distinction between the two events. For instance, in  Romania a couple first is married in a court house--which satisfies the legal requirements for the marriage to be valid. Most often the courthouse ceremony is simple and includes only the bride and groom, or maybe a few close family members attend as witnesses. After the legal ceremony, the couple will join with a much larger wedding party, and more extensive family and friends to have a church wedding. It is their way of taking the wedding before God and seeking His blessing on the new family union.

Adoption has a similar process. First, we work to get the adoption legally approved--and of course this occurs in court. Once the child is legally joined to the family, then a couple who are members in good standing of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints takes their family to one of the temples, where a sacred religious ceremony is performed to seal the family unit before God. This is a time when the family is blessed with the sweet promises that the Lord Jesus Christ spoke of in Matthew 18:18--"Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven . . ."  To put it in other words, this is where a family is promised that they can be together forever if they live worthy of God's promises. As with the legal proceedings in court, this religious ceremony is repeated for each new addition to the family.

A biological child that comes to a family is not subjected to legal acceptance; likewise, neither do they need to have the sealing performed in the temple as an adopted child does if their parents have already been married before God in the temple. In this case, both the legal and religious union before God happens at birth.

In all cases, the purpose of going before God in a sacred temple ceremony--first as a couple, then with adopted children as needed--is an effort to live the principle that keeps us going--and that is families can be together forever.