I'm Just David

In the last several months, a few of David's friends have welcomed baby brothers and baby sisters into their family. Naturally, this has brought up the discussion about when David will get a baby brother or a baby sister. He remembers to ask Heavenly Father for this blessing in every prayer he says. And if either of his parents forget to pray for this blessing, he reminds us and we'll say a quick prayer to include our faith with David's to see this miracle through.

This has also given us occasion to talk to David about his birth. The fact that Heavenly Father sent him to our family. And he grew in AP's tummy before he came to our family. 

I want David to know the miracle of adoption in his life. I want him to know that he joined our family through adoption. I want him to know and love the people that surrounded his birth. I want David to feel comfortable talking about it and asking questions whenever he wants about this event in his life.

That's just what it is. Adoption was an event at his birth. It's not a label. It doesn't define who David is. And it most certainly doesn't designate who he will become.

The other day when I was working on our adoption website, and the subject had been on my mind for several days running, I asked David a question to see what frame of reference he has around adoption.

Me: David, are you adopted?

David: No. I'm just David.

That was the most perfect answer I've ever heard.

There's no "just" about it. He is our David, who lives life bigger than anyone I know.

He is David. No extra labels are really necessary. 

He knows who he is, and that's what is important to me.

FAQ--Why do we choose to have an open adoption?

Many people have asked us about our choice to do an open adoption. The idea of an open adoption is relatively new, and we are glad that we have been able to approach adoption with the understanding that an open adoption brings. Some of the key key things unique to an open adoption are:

1--Our children will know from the very beginning that they are adopted and who his/her birth mother is. We will keep a relationship with the birth mother that will allow us to communicate with her, send her pictures, and she will be aware of how our family is growing and progressing.
2--This openness will allow us to teach our children about Heavenly Father's plan for him. We believe that God creates families. And he has created ours by sending each to our family through a birth mother. We hope that this knowledge will help our children to learn more about all the people that love them, as well as a knowledge that heaven knows each of our names and helped us to build our family in this unique way.
3--The openness has also allowed us to get to know our birth mother. We spoke to her on a weekly basis since she made the decision to place her baby with us until the birth, then we have maintained an open communication (mainly through email and skype) since David's birth. All of this communication has helped us to have a basis for our love for her. We would have still felt love for any birth mother that blessed our family with a child, but coming to know her heart has made that love sweeter.
4--Through the openness of this adoption, we have also been able to meet many people that love our birth mother and the life she has brought into the world. We spent a lot of time with her family during the first week of David's life. We have also been able to meet friends from her home town, and they have showered David with rememberances of more people that love him. We truly feel blessed to have all of these people interested in the well-being of our son.
6--Last, but certainly not least, our open adoption has allowed us to develop a level of trust that has surprised us. We came to trust our birth mother that she was going to carry through with the decision to place her baby in our family. We also came to trust her that she was making a huge effort to give our baby a healthy start to life in the way she took care of herself during the pregnancy. And now she is trusting us that we will keep her in touch with our family and share with her the joy David brings to our life.

FAQ--What is the purpose of a temple sealing in an LDS adoption?

When a couple gets married, they first have to apply for a legal license to create the family union. In the United States, most religious ceremonies double as the legal ceremony for the marriage. This is not the case everywhere in the world--some countries make the distinction between the two events. For instance, in  Romania a couple first is married in a court house--which satisfies the legal requirements for the marriage to be valid. Most often the courthouse ceremony is simple and includes only the bride and groom, or maybe a few close family members attend as witnesses. After the legal ceremony, the couple will join with a much larger wedding party, and more extensive family and friends to have a church wedding. It is their way of taking the wedding before God and seeking His blessing on the new family union.

Adoption has a similar process. First, we work to get the adoption legally approved--and of course this occurs in court. Once the child is legally joined to the family, then a couple who are members in good standing of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints takes their family to one of the temples, where a sacred religious ceremony is performed to seal the family unit before God. This is a time when the family is blessed with the sweet promises that the Lord Jesus Christ spoke of in Matthew 18:18--"Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven . . ."  To put it in other words, this is where a family is promised that they can be together forever if they live worthy of God's promises. As with the legal proceedings in court, this religious ceremony is repeated for each new addition to the family.

A biological child that comes to a family is not subjected to legal acceptance; likewise, neither do they need to have the sealing performed in the temple as an adopted child does if their parents have already been married before God in the temple. In this case, both the legal and religious union before God happens at birth.

In all cases, the purpose of going before God in a sacred temple ceremony--first as a couple, then with adopted children as needed--is an effort to live the principle that keeps us going--and that is families can be together forever.