Sam and I have recently reflected on the many miracles that have brought David into our family. He is such a good baby, and we feel that he is a perfect match to be our son. Many people have commented that he looks like one or both of us, and we know he was sent to our family from heaven above.
In March, 2008 we learned of a 3 month old baby that was looking for a forever family. We had previously discussed adoption, but we were waffling between all of our options, and none of them clearly seemed to be the path we should take. The news of this little boy spurred us on to begin the paperwork. It was at this point that our minds were made up about the next step to bring children into our family. Although we were never able to contact the birth mother of this little boy, we felt blessed that he inspired us to find the answer and move forward with determination. We wanted to be parents, and finally we knew how to make that possible.
Two months later, all of our paperwork had been filed with the agency, and our interviews completed. During those two months, answering hard questions consumed all of our spare time. Everything from our upbringing to the stability of our marriage, to our feelings about becoming parents and our intended discipline techniques. Everything. But at our final interview, we learned that my fingerprints had been rejected by the FBI. The right pinky wasn't clearly printed, so they requested a new set to be sent in. That was the only thing standing in our way of being an "approved couple" so birth parents could review our profile.
About this time, we were introduced to a sweet birth mother. We met with her on several occasions, each visit filled with anxiety over whether or not she would select us. She narrowed it down from 5 couples to 3 couples to 2 couples. Then she took a long time laboring over her final decision. At the beginning of August, 10 days before she was due to deliver, we received word that she had selected the other couple. We had grown to love her, and our hopes were cautiously up. It was a heartbreak but also a miracle that she didn't select us. Because again we received word that my fingerprints were not clear enough for FBI approval. So even if she had selected us, she could not have placed her baby with us until we were both cleared through the FBI.
We prayed a lot, and sent in the third copy of my fingerprints. This time we included a letter from the fingerprinting company, stating that "this was the best possible print" that they could get from me. I wondered why they were so worried about my right pinky being unclear. Surely I couldn't do much mischief with that single tiny finger!?!
On September 29, we received approval back from the FBI, and on that same day we were approved through the adoption committee at our agency. The caseworker explained that now the waiting would begin, and the average wait was usually between 6 to 18 months. We later learned that we were approved by the FBI the same week our birth mother learned of her pregnancy. The timing of it all was a miracle.
Sometime in the next three weeks, our caseworker called to tell us that our profile had been taken home to be considered by a birth mother. It was in a stack of other profiles, she explained, and this would give us a flavor of what it is like to be considered by a birth mother. The next time we heard from our caseworker, it was with the news that the birth mother had selected us. That was on November 4, and this news made all the election buzz dim to our ears in comparison. Lots of questions and very few answers--but we could expect to see a letter in the mail with more detials. The next week, we waited anxiously for the mail, but the letter was slow to come. Finally, we called the caseworker and explained that we hadn't received anything, and we were worried that the birth mother would be waiting for our reply. She read me a copy of the letter over the phone, and that's when we learned that we were expecting a son, sometime around February 1. I was shaking when I hung up the phone and immediately called Sam at work with the new details.
In the letter, our sweet birth mother shared a dream she had while she was trying to decide which family should raise the baby she was carrying. She also included ultra sound pictures of our son, and a few details about herself. We called her as quickly as we could and shared our joy and wonderment with her. We instantly fell in love with this sweet angel. She was so reassuring, constantly expressing her love to us, and we could see that we could easily open our hearts to this sweet girl who would bless us with such a precious gift. We continued to talk on the phone weekly with our birth mother to become better acquainted with her.
In the middle of December, right between the holiday travel rush, we flew to the lower 48 to meet our birth mother and her parents. We had one wonderful day together, and instantly fell in love with all of them. We were amazed at the perspective and selflessness they shared with us. We will always treasure them.
The month of January was spent wondering when the phone call would come. On Friday, January 23 we went on a date to the temple together--which was the only occasion when we weren't ready to pounce on our cell phones. Incidentally, when we came out, we had a message from our birth mother, asking when the last flight would leave that evening because she had been having contractions for 24 hours. We reassured her that we could catch a flight any time. We heard from her again on Sunday morning, and that's when the whirlwind began to catch the next departing flight. Our birth mother was very intent on having us at the birth of our son, and we feel that to be a miracle.
The selflessness of our birth mother is more than our hearts can ever describe. She never once called David her son. Even to her teenage friends that visited her in the hospital, she explained how he was completely our son--and all she did was carry him for us. She let us share in the birth--mine was the first face David saw, and Sam cut the umbilical cord. David came quickly, but the labor pains intensified only after we arrived at the hospital. Being at our son's birth will forever be one of the greatest miracles in our hearts.
She was intent on having us at the birth so that we could immediately begin the imprinting, the attachment and bonding, and so we wouldn't miss any moment of our son's life. We love her for the maturity she showed again and again. And we recognize that every step was a mirror of the selflessness on behalf of her family members that stood by her, fully supporting her.
So during this time, when our hearts are full, and temple memories are sweet, we also feel more love for our angel birth mother than we could ever express. We feel grateful for her decisions, her maturity, her wisdom, and her love--for us and for our son. We feel grateful that she was able to be an instrument in the Lord's hands to bring a child into our home. We feel grateful for the miracles she has allowed to come about in our family. We love you, sweet angel birth mother. Heaven will only be heaven if you are there, too.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--The Temple
Second only to the day we were married in the Salt Lake Temple, Saturday was the most significant day in our family's life. On August 15th at 11:30 in the morning, we were in the LDS Washington DC Temple together and participated in a special sealing ceremony that binds our family together--eternally. This means that death will not sever our family relationship, and in a plan made perfect by God himself, we will be blessed to be reunited forever. As a side note, if a baby is born to a couple that is already sealed in the temple, then they do not have to take the child to the temple for this ceremony. Once David's adoption was legally complete, we went to the temple to spiritually complete the process.
The temple is a place of light. David kept inspecting the chandelier over our heads and the beautiful lights lining the walls. The temple is meant to reflect heaven, and in doing so, the three of us were dressed in white for the ceremony. The temple is sacred, so we publicly talk very little about everything that happens inside the temple doors. It is also very symbolic. Just as Jesus taught in parables so each person could understand according to their own experience, the temple teaches us in symbols. In the room where we were sealed are two mirrors, facing each other so they reflect back and forth and never stop. This represents forever--just what our family is trying to achieve. "And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Matt 16:19
The temple is a place of happiness. We couldn't stop smiling while we were gathered there. The temple is a place of love, peace and joy. We have had an added measure of each of these in our family since we were inside the temple two days ago. 
On Monday, August 10th at 1:30 in the afternoon, the decree of adoption was put before legal courts. It was an uneventful day on our part, as we appeared in writing, so the attorney read our answers before the court to the questions posed to us. Eleven simple questions like, "State your full name and address" and "If the decree of adoption is granted to you, do you realize that you are legally responsible for the care of this child as though he had been born to you?" and "Has anything out of the ordinary happened to the child since he has been in your care?". Of course, these questions were all yes/no, because the court also relied on the report generated by our agency after all of the interviews we have had with them since David's placement in our home. The decree of adoption was signed at 1:38 pm, and at that point he was legally bound to us as our son.The courts signed the decree, and now heaven knows it too.
Our First Adoption Story--Forever
I have a family here on Earth
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them
Through all eternity.
Families can be together forever
Through Heavenly Father's Plan
I always want to be
With my own family
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord, He's shown me how I can
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them
Through all eternity.
Families can be together forever
Through Heavenly Father's Plan
I always want to be
With my own family
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord, He's shown me how I can
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--Finalization
We are thrilled that we have a court date to finalize David's adoption--August 10th at 1:30 pm, PDT in Washington State. We will "appear in writing" since we live out of state (although it would have been so cool to be there in person!!!). Since we brought David home, we have regularly met with a case worker for lengthy interviews and home visits. They asked us about David's bonding and attachment, his physical and emotional development, our adjustment to parenthood, if we have taken him to well baby checks and if he has received immunizations. In one memorable question, they asked, "How would you rate David's overall development?" Without a second's hesitation and even before the question was completely phrased, Daddy blurted out, "Superb!"
Of course by now we are used to answering all kinds of questions about ourselves, our desire to be parents, and David's progress. It has been a year and a half since we started the mile high pile of paperwork, and now it is finally coming to an end. The court documents will soon be signed and sealed, and everything will be complete for David to legally be ours.
Even more exciting is that five days later, on August 15th at 11:00 am we will be sealed to David as an eternal family in the Washington DC temple. That is a day when heaven will meet earth for our family, and then David will eternally be ours.In all of this, our thoughts are never far from the amazingly selfless angel birth mother and her family, who have blessed us with this most precious gift. We love them. Our family would not be complete without her.
And since every good thing around here is finger lickin good, here's a summary of how we all feel:
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--No More Empty Car Seat
The rumbling volcano 150 miles southwest of Anchorage was kind enough to not erupt, so we are now safely home. We brought an extra box back with us with air filters, window seal kits, air masks and goggles just in case it changes its mind. And first order of business on Sam's mind was to beef up our long-term water supply. Check.
David won the hearts of everyone as we made our way through security, the airport, standby ticketing, and then onto the plane. At eight days old, he was the perfect traveller. He slept the whole way. Just for being so cute he was awarded his very own digi-player by the flight attendant (which his parents happily borrowed while he slept).
He was also privy to a back stage photo shoot in the cockpit after the flight. He woke up for the photo shoot, and looked around at all of those lights and buttons.
By the time we reached baggage claim, David had something to say about being left in charge of all the carry-ons while we claimed our suitcases. (Really Daddy was claiming the suitcases, and I was right there with David.)
Then we introduced him to a 3-second blast of Alaskan air in the dead of winter. We tried to tell him that 6 below was nothing--he'd get used to it someday--but by that time his lungs were doing all they could to take in all that Alaskan air in between his screams. The taxi driver stepped on the gas and had us home in a flash.
So now we are trying to fit our new life into a new routine with a new little boy. Our hearts couldn't be happier. I am so enamored with having David to care for that his Daddy hasn't yet had night time duty between 10 pm and 7 am. When Sam returned to work today, his co-workers noticed that he looked well-rested for being a new father. David and I would have to agree!
David won the hearts of everyone as we made our way through security, the airport, standby ticketing, and then onto the plane. At eight days old, he was the perfect traveller. He slept the whole way. Just for being so cute he was awarded his very own digi-player by the flight attendant (which his parents happily borrowed while he slept).
He was also privy to a back stage photo shoot in the cockpit after the flight. He woke up for the photo shoot, and looked around at all of those lights and buttons.
By the time we reached baggage claim, David had something to say about being left in charge of all the carry-ons while we claimed our suitcases. (Really Daddy was claiming the suitcases, and I was right there with David.)
Then we introduced him to a 3-second blast of Alaskan air in the dead of winter. We tried to tell him that 6 below was nothing--he'd get used to it someday--but by that time his lungs were doing all they could to take in all that Alaskan air in between his screams. The taxi driver stepped on the gas and had us home in a flash.
So now we are trying to fit our new life into a new routine with a new little boy. Our hearts couldn't be happier. I am so enamored with having David to care for that his Daddy hasn't yet had night time duty between 10 pm and 7 am. When Sam returned to work today, his co-workers noticed that he looked well-rested for being a new father. David and I would have to agree!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--Our Birth Mother's Gift
To us, she gave a little boy to call our own.
At placement, we gave her this quilt. It is an Alaskan scene of a glacier, made extra soft and with a lot of love so she can cuddle with it when she gets cold.
We love you, Angel Birth Mother!!!
I love this picture. She is holding our gift to her and her gift to us:
At placement, we gave her this quilt. It is an Alaskan scene of a glacier, made extra soft and with a lot of love so she can cuddle with it when she gets cold.
We love you, Angel Birth Mother!!!
I love this picture. She is holding our gift to her and her gift to us:
Our First Adoption Story--The Arrival
On Friday evening (Jan 23) we received a call from our birth mother to let us know that she had been in and out of false labor for two days. We needed to prepare to leave on a moment's notice. We tried to tie up a few loose ends, but really it was very hard for me to focus on the details of packing when my heart was anticipating the pending arrival of our son. I was very grateful that I had made lists to follow when my mind was in a calmer state.
Then on Sunday morning, Sam arrived back at the house after his early morning meetings at the church. We usually have a 20 minute window when he comes home from his meetings, then we leave again for church together. He had been home only 5 minutes when our caller ID showed that our birth mother was again calling. She had been having contractions for three days at that point, and she was going to the hospital to see if they would admit her. She and her mom would call us once they arrived at the hospital. In the mean time, they recommended that we pack up and leave for the airport, then wait for another phone call before we checked into a flight. Before we left for the airport, I had a sense that whether or not the hospital admitted our birth mother, we needed to get on the next available flight. I would much rather wait on the other end of our plane ride than to keep wondering if we were going to make it at the last minute.
It took us an hour and a half to prepare for our extended leave. Call the neighbor that would be checking on our house. Call church members and let them know that we would not be there to fulfill prior commitments that day. Clean out the refrigerator of all left overs. Arrange for a rental car at the airport. Change our flight to the next possible departure. Pack any last-minute items. Double check that we have everything included on the lists for the baby. Triple check that we have the camera. Needless to say, it was a complete frenzy. We felt grateful that we were together when we received that phone call, because at least we didn't have to travel across town before we could meet up and tackle the details together. I would have been a wreck if Sam hadn't been there from the very beginning to share in the details we had to work through. And we got everything done. Except for tidy up the house. We will be greeted by the tornado that we left when we arrive home. Sam was building shelves in a closet on Saturday, and we had a lot of things pulled out in an attempt to organize and rearrange for David's arrival.
We were able to get on the 1:30 flight. As we went through security, they saw us approaching with a car seat. The lady directed us to the "family" lane and said, "Kids this way." In my all-business mindset, I looked over and replied, "It's not a kid yet." Then just kept marching forward. Sam slowed me down a bit at that point, and we had a good laugh at that notable quotable. There were many people that saw us with the car seat, and peeked over the hood with an adoring look. That quickly turned to confusion when they saw it was empty and neither of us was carrying the baby in arms. Sometimes we explained (and were awarded with much oohing and awwwing for our explanation) and other times they just wondered. We boarded on time, and our flight arrived 20 minutes early at 5:25. It felt like a forever wait to drag our luggage and car seat all over the airport before we finally arrived at our rental car. We left the airport at 6:30 and arrived at the delivery room by 7:30. It wasn't until we were in the car that I realized we should probably call the birth mother to see how she was progressing. At that point, she was still walking the hospital halls to keep the contractions coming.
We arrived at the hospital, and within an hour intense labor was under way. It seemed like slow going. She was only dilated to a 3 and I was preparing for an all-nighter as they gave her the epidural (which we really wished had been more effective!). Two and a half hours later, they checked her again and she was at a 10. Now we just had to hang tight for Dr. Ho to arrive. It took only a few pushes and our son arrived in this wide world. Sam cut the umbilical cord just like a Daddy should. David's apgar score was 8 at 1 minute after birth and 9 at 5 minutes after birth. And within an hour, he downed 2 oz of formula. Of course this just confirmed our suspicion that we had been blessed with a perfect little boy.
By the time we had all greeted the new baby and moved from delivery to post-natal care, it was 3 am. We were very sleepy but kept going on adrenaline. The head nurse that night happened to be a personal friend of the birth mother and her family through church. She graciously arranged for Sam and I to stay in a room adjacent to the birth mother and David. It was nice to not have to drive anywhere before we found rest for our weary heads. But reality set in when we were invited to the 3:30 am bath and feeding. Of course we wouldn't have missed that for anything!
The next day we spent the morning in the hospital with David in our room while the birth mother rested. It was fun to be just the three of us together for the first time. We just gawked. That afternoon, we left the hospital to run some errands. We returned briefly that evening to kiss him goodnight, then went and stayed in an apartment arranged for us by the birth mother's family, just around the corner to where they live. We returned the next morning to take everyone home after their discharge. We somehow escaped without an instruction manual, but David has no problem with letting us know when he's hungry or needs to burp. The rest of the time he is content to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. Each day his eyes are getting wider and brighter, and we get a few more minutes of alert time with our son. We couldn't be happier!
Then on Sunday morning, Sam arrived back at the house after his early morning meetings at the church. We usually have a 20 minute window when he comes home from his meetings, then we leave again for church together. He had been home only 5 minutes when our caller ID showed that our birth mother was again calling. She had been having contractions for three days at that point, and she was going to the hospital to see if they would admit her. She and her mom would call us once they arrived at the hospital. In the mean time, they recommended that we pack up and leave for the airport, then wait for another phone call before we checked into a flight. Before we left for the airport, I had a sense that whether or not the hospital admitted our birth mother, we needed to get on the next available flight. I would much rather wait on the other end of our plane ride than to keep wondering if we were going to make it at the last minute.
It took us an hour and a half to prepare for our extended leave. Call the neighbor that would be checking on our house. Call church members and let them know that we would not be there to fulfill prior commitments that day. Clean out the refrigerator of all left overs. Arrange for a rental car at the airport. Change our flight to the next possible departure. Pack any last-minute items. Double check that we have everything included on the lists for the baby. Triple check that we have the camera. Needless to say, it was a complete frenzy. We felt grateful that we were together when we received that phone call, because at least we didn't have to travel across town before we could meet up and tackle the details together. I would have been a wreck if Sam hadn't been there from the very beginning to share in the details we had to work through. And we got everything done. Except for tidy up the house. We will be greeted by the tornado that we left when we arrive home. Sam was building shelves in a closet on Saturday, and we had a lot of things pulled out in an attempt to organize and rearrange for David's arrival.
We were able to get on the 1:30 flight. As we went through security, they saw us approaching with a car seat. The lady directed us to the "family" lane and said, "Kids this way." In my all-business mindset, I looked over and replied, "It's not a kid yet." Then just kept marching forward. Sam slowed me down a bit at that point, and we had a good laugh at that notable quotable. There were many people that saw us with the car seat, and peeked over the hood with an adoring look. That quickly turned to confusion when they saw it was empty and neither of us was carrying the baby in arms. Sometimes we explained (and were awarded with much oohing and awwwing for our explanation) and other times they just wondered. We boarded on time, and our flight arrived 20 minutes early at 5:25. It felt like a forever wait to drag our luggage and car seat all over the airport before we finally arrived at our rental car. We left the airport at 6:30 and arrived at the delivery room by 7:30. It wasn't until we were in the car that I realized we should probably call the birth mother to see how she was progressing. At that point, she was still walking the hospital halls to keep the contractions coming.
We arrived at the hospital, and within an hour intense labor was under way. It seemed like slow going. She was only dilated to a 3 and I was preparing for an all-nighter as they gave her the epidural (which we really wished had been more effective!). Two and a half hours later, they checked her again and she was at a 10. Now we just had to hang tight for Dr. Ho to arrive. It took only a few pushes and our son arrived in this wide world. Sam cut the umbilical cord just like a Daddy should. David's apgar score was 8 at 1 minute after birth and 9 at 5 minutes after birth. And within an hour, he downed 2 oz of formula. Of course this just confirmed our suspicion that we had been blessed with a perfect little boy.
By the time we had all greeted the new baby and moved from delivery to post-natal care, it was 3 am. We were very sleepy but kept going on adrenaline. The head nurse that night happened to be a personal friend of the birth mother and her family through church. She graciously arranged for Sam and I to stay in a room adjacent to the birth mother and David. It was nice to not have to drive anywhere before we found rest for our weary heads. But reality set in when we were invited to the 3:30 am bath and feeding. Of course we wouldn't have missed that for anything!
The next day we spent the morning in the hospital with David in our room while the birth mother rested. It was fun to be just the three of us together for the first time. We just gawked. That afternoon, we left the hospital to run some errands. We returned briefly that evening to kiss him goodnight, then went and stayed in an apartment arranged for us by the birth mother's family, just around the corner to where they live. We returned the next morning to take everyone home after their discharge. We somehow escaped without an instruction manual, but David has no problem with letting us know when he's hungry or needs to burp. The rest of the time he is content to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. Each day his eyes are getting wider and brighter, and we get a few more minutes of alert time with our son. We couldn't be happier!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--A New Little Baby to Love
David Samuel Sponseller arrived in this big world, weighing in at 8 lb, 3 oz and measured 20 1/2 inches. We were able to miracoulously arrive in time for his delivery, an opportunity for which we will forever be grateful. He eats like a champ and doesn't cry unless he has reason. He is perfect.
Our hearts are full for not only this new little life in our family, but also for the angel birth mother that delivered him safely to our arms. We couldn't have asked for a sweeter experience over the last few days as we have spent time with her and her family. Over the next few days, we will post more pictures and story about the amazing experience we have had as an adoptive couple.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Our First Adoption Story--It's Beginning to Look a lot like Baby!
Packing everything we need for the baby into a suitcase has kept me in a fanatical list-making mode. OK, so maybe the shoes are a little over board . . . but we'll have them readily available for when we finally bring our son home. I want to maximize the number of times this little guy can wear his littlest clothes.
I am also carrying a list around of all the possible flights we could take if we get the call before our scheduled flight on January 29.
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