The Same and Different

From the very start of our second adoption process, I have commented that it feels like it will be a very different experience than our first. It just feels differently. I thought I'd highlight some of the things that are similar to David's adoption and some of the things that are--well, not the same.

The Same:

• We chose to go through the same agency, which is LDS Family Services. The office is located in Seattle, and they service Alaska as a satellite location.
• We try to imagine what it will be like--how much time will we have to prepare? Will we go down to a local hospital or fly across the country?  It's kind of like having an adventure waiting to happen any minute--so there's an element of excitement in it.
• We still see the process of adoption as a "marketing" approach for our family. In reality, we are trying to catch the eye of a birth mother, having little indication of what will be important to her. Our first birth mother, AP, told us that she originally took our profile home in a stack to consider because she liked the cape over my wedding dress. That reminds me that our family doesn't have to fit a mold--but the birth mother just needs to be led by the spirit.
• We still feel directed that this is how Heavenly Father wants us to build our family. And these feelings keep us praying for a miracle.

That was then--circa 2008, during our first adoption paperwork process--we were on the banks of the Kenai River.

Different:

• Perhaps most obviously, the length of our wait. Our first birth mother, AP, took our profile home from the agency 3 weeks after we were approved. She let us know 3 weeks later that she had chosen us. And David was born  eleven weeks after that.
• Having a child in our family makes for less aching. He fills our hearts and our time, so while we know with certainty that another child will increase our capacity to love, we don't hurt as much while we wait.
• Having a child in our family makes for more longing. We know better the blessing that awaits us through adoption, so we want it more deeply. And we see how much David wants a sibling, so we want it for him. The other day David asked me,  "Do you think Heavenly Father could send us a little kid to our family?" I asked him what he meant. "Well, I'm getting to be a big boy now, so we need someone else to be the kid in our family." David thinks about this a lot, and he often makes comments about it. Another incident was when I was in the dental chair, and the hygienist's hands were in my mouth. David proudly announced to her that we were going to have a baby in our family. With my tongue indisposed, he had a conversation with the kind lady for several minutes. Clearly she thought that I was pregnant. When I was finally able to jump in, I explained to her that we are always waiting for a new baby to come through adoption.
• Much less trepidation about an open adoption, and the relationship we will have with a birth mother. We were so blessed in our experience with David's birth mother. She is wonderful. We love her. She has given us so much confidence that we can again establish a good relationship with a future birth mother. We know that in many ways, the relationship will be unique, because no two experiences are the same. We feel blessed that our first experience has encouraged us along into our next adoption experience.

This is now--2012 awaiting our 2nd adoption--celebrating a birthday at Benihana.

Happy Easter!

We celebrate the joy of knowing that Our Savior has conquered all!

Happy Easter.

Thoughts on our Second Adoption

We've been waiting for a second adoption to happen in our family for a year now. I've thought a lot about the reasons we do this waiting, hoping, and expecting.

The first adoption was filled with anticipation of becoming parents.

This time we long for a sibling for David. 

I watch him play by himself for the most part every day, and I wish so badly that he would have a playmate his own age to enjoy those hours of play with him.

Sure, we have lots of activities every week, and we arrange play dates for him on a regular basis.

And he's never shy about asking Sam and I to play with him.

But it's different to play with an adult than it is to play with another child.

Even if that adult loves you completely, it is not the same as the ups and downs, happy and sad, wins and losses of learning to play with a comrade who happens to be another kid.

Particularly if that pal is an at-home, built-in friend inside your family.

Someone to grow up with, someone to grow close to.

With all of our hearts, we are praying for the miracle in our family that David will have a sibling. The sooner the better.

I've also thought about how David's identity will change a little when his sibling joins our family.

Right now the ratio of adults to kid is 2:1.

In some ways, that's great. In others, not so great.

Being the only kid can sometimes feel a little exclusive. Like everyone in the house is allowed to do grown up things except David. Everyone in the house is allowed free reign of certain rooms and closets except David.

I'm a firm believer of a few things. The marriage is the most important relationship in the family, and I am a parent first, friend second to my child. Inherent in these principles are boundaries; quite often Sam and I are on one side of the boundary and David is on the other.

Would it be easier for David to respect boundaries if he saw that they applied to another family member, too? That none of the boundaries are personal, but are intended for a collective group of "children."

David will find a lot of delight when his collective group is larger than one.
Come to think of it, we all will.

The Gift of Words

David has the gift of language. I think it's closely linked with his love of music, but who's really to say?

His vocabulary and communication is such that I have to occasionally remind people that he is just barely three, not a year or two older as some assume. At his 2nd year and 3rd year well-child check with the doctor, our pediatrician noted both times on David's medical chart, "Exceptional verbal skills."

In light of this talent that David has been given, we've started memorizing poems. He has a talent with words, and memorization is my attempt to help him develop that talent. To his credit, he memorizes a poem within a day of introducing it to him, and by the end of the week, he'll  have it mastered. (Which means he can recite it without hardly thinking about it.) It gives us another exciting way to pass the time while we drive around town.

Just for fun, here are a few of the poems and scriptures we've worked on lately. Occasionally I'll add a few more. It's a peek into our daily life around here, and perhaps a way to get to know our son a little better. (Although nothing beats his dramatization of these poems! He really turns on his performing side when he recites them.)

Smile

A smile is catching, like measles they say

You better watch out--I have one today.

A smile is catching, and so I suppose

A big one will pop out right under your nose!

Glow Worm

I wish I were a glow worm,

A glow worm's never glum.

'Cuz how can you be grumpy

When the sun shines out your bum!?!

Amos 3:7

Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants, the prophets.

Article of Faith #1
We believe in God, the Eternal Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

Where we live--On a Snowy Day

Anchorage is currently on track to have the snowiest winter on record. 

Look at these numbers, reflecting Jan 9th:

Average snowfall by Jan 9: 41.6

Anchorage snowfall Jan 9, 2012: 81.3 inches

Really, truly, I don't mind the snow. I love the look of always having freshly fallen snow.

Maybe it's because we have this team on our side:

 Snow removal involves dozens of dump trucks waiting in line for their turn to be filled up by this really cool machine:

 On this particular day, it took less than 5 minutes to fill each truck.

The trucks filled with snow dump it at designated snow lots. We pass one every day--I would say that it's about 3 acres. And by the end of December, they had about 25-30 foot piles covering the entire lot. So now that particular lot is closed.  I think we'll be in for a long "breakup" season while all of this snow makes its way into ground water.

Oh yes, this town knows how to do winter.

Ice sculptures downtown are fun (photos from 2010):

And plenty of hills to sled down:

 We have perfect powder. It's not great for snowmen, but great for powder and snow angels.

When we moved here, the locals told us that the best part of winter is when it warms up to 20 degrees. That's when you get out and enjoy the snow!

The phrase "warms up to 20 degrees" took my breath away in that long ago winter.

Now I can join with the best of them and agree, "I love it when it warms up to 20 degrees! Definitely a balmy wintry day to go enjoy the great outdoors!"

In light of our current snow pack, I've made two observations this week:

1. I'm glad we don't live in Cordova or Valdez where it's taking every man woman and child to keep up with shoveling and plowing.
2. This year would have been a really good year to own a snow blower. Or better yet, to have a teenager with a snow removal business.

I'm Just David

In the last several months, a few of David's friends have welcomed baby brothers and baby sisters into their family. Naturally, this has brought up the discussion about when David will get a baby brother or a baby sister. He remembers to ask Heavenly Father for this blessing in every prayer he says. And if either of his parents forget to pray for this blessing, he reminds us and we'll say a quick prayer to include our faith with David's to see this miracle through.

This has also given us occasion to talk to David about his birth. The fact that Heavenly Father sent him to our family. And he grew in AP's tummy before he came to our family. 

I want David to know the miracle of adoption in his life. I want him to know that he joined our family through adoption. I want him to know and love the people that surrounded his birth. I want David to feel comfortable talking about it and asking questions whenever he wants about this event in his life.

That's just what it is. Adoption was an event at his birth. It's not a label. It doesn't define who David is. And it most certainly doesn't designate who he will become.

The other day when I was working on our adoption website, and the subject had been on my mind for several days running, I asked David a question to see what frame of reference he has around adoption.

Me: David, are you adopted?

David: No. I'm just David.

That was the most perfect answer I've ever heard.

There's no "just" about it. He is our David, who lives life bigger than anyone I know.

He is David. No extra labels are really necessary. 

He knows who he is, and that's what is important to me.

Getting to Know Us--Our Beginning

In 2002, Sam and I met when we worked together at lovely Aspen Grove in Provo, Utah. We scooped ice cream in the gift shop together, and developed a wonderful friendship through the summer months. At the end of the summer, we each went our different ways. Occasionally we would check in with each other over the next three years, but we didn't begin falling in love until 2005.


At the end of 2005, we were married in the Salt Lake LDS temple. It was a wonderful day!

We lived in Pocatello, Idaho as newlyweds--while Sam finished a Masters of Business Administration degree at Idaho State University. While Sam was at school, Carmin worked at a child abuse prevention center in Idaho Falls, ID. She had already completed a Bachelor's degree in Child Development, so was happy to work in her field while Sam continued schooling.

Upon completion of Sam's schooling, we packed up and moved to Alaska in 2007. Wow! What a beautiful place! We love the grandeur beauty this state has to offer.

In 2007, we underwent some testing and procedures in hopes of being able to have biological children. When those avenues didn't bless us with children, we began learning about adoption to build our family. In 2008, we began filling out paperwork, and in January, 2009 we were blessed with a little boy. For more on that experience, click here.

Now we feel tremendously blessed to have witnessed the miracles of adoption in our family! We know that Heavenly Father creates families, and we know that he has created ours. We look forward to our next adoption experience as our family grows.

Getting to Know Us--Our Extended Family

Sam grew up as the oldest of four siblings--he has 1 sister and two brothers. His Dad was in the Navy, so they moved up and down the East coast in his early years. On his 13th birthday, Sam's family moved to Ohio, where they still live today.

On Sam's side, we have two adorable nieces, a Nana and a Pappy, and some very fun aunts and uncles. 

 After David was sealed to us with Nana and Pappy, Aunt Meredith, Uncle Aaron and cousins.

 Cousins playing together on the beach.

Our little guy found a real pal in Uncle Hanson!

 

Carmin is the third oldest of ten children and grew up in Peoria, Arizona; her family moved to Mapleton, Utah right before her senior year of high school.

 Carmin with some of her sisters at a retreat in sunny St. George, Utah.

On Carmin's side, we have a Grammy Joyce and a Grampa Chuck, twenty-seven nieces and nephews, and lots of aunts and uncles.

 A happy little boy with his Grammy and Grampa.

Family reunion fun.

While we live in Alaska, we make a huge effort to visit each of our families at least once a year. We talk on the phone and skype with our extended family to stay close to them. Someday we hope to live closer to our extended family, so our children can enjoy their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents on a regular basis.