This was the year . . .

That David heard the story.

Oh, we've told it to him before. Many many times we've told it to him. Sometimes in its entirety, other times in bits and pieces.

But this year he heard it. He attentively listened. He hung on to the details, and repeated them back to us with wide eyes. And his whole body smiled as we reminded him of all the people who love him.

Throughout the week of his birthday, his bedtime story as he lay upon his pillow centered around "four years ago today . . ." He heard about when we missed the first call from his birthmom, and how we were on edge waiting for the next calls while we knew she was having contractions.

His very favorite part was when I demonstrated to him how we were crazy and we ran around, trying to get ready to get on the airplane so we could go be with him when he was born. Emotions were tender as we told the story night after night at his bedside. And this silliness caused him to laugh so hard he cried.

He heard about how we marched through the airport with an empty carseat, and unsuspecting strangers peered in expecting to see a wee one--but all they found was Mommy's purse. And he heard about how the rental car process was taking forever, and mommy was so worried that it was causing us to miss important time at the hospital that I had to go sit down and take a few deep breaths while Daddy handled the 90-minute car rental process that should have been 10.

He heard about how we missed the turn to the hospital, and we drove across a long bridge before we could find a place to turn around.

He heard about who was in the room with us when he was born. And who we immediately called after he was born. He heard about how he came out ear first because he wanted to hear all of the sounds of this big world that was welcoming him.

He heard about his first bath at 3:00 am, and how mommy and daddy got to sleep in the room next door to David and his birth mom in the maternity unit. He heard about how at 7:00 in the morning we went in to see how AP and David were doing, and AP suggested that we take him for a few minutes back to our room while she took a little nap. And that was the first time it was Mommy-Daddy-David.

He heard about how we tried to send flowers to AP while she was in the hospital, but the flower delivery guy was turned away at the door downstairs. So Mommy and Daddy had to go to the florist to pick up the arrangement instead of having them just "appear."

We told David about how he cried loud when he had to go into his car seat, and it was the first time he had really cried in his little life. Then mommy figured out that the seat belt was too tight, and once we loosened it just a bit, David stopped crying and kept looking all around.

 

He heard about how the car ride to leave the hospital was squishy because now we were a family with a baby, and fitting everything in to the car was a little more challenging.

David heard again about the day when we went to the temple. We told him who was in the room with us, and how there were lights everywhere that David couldn't stop looking at. And he was happy. We showed him the mirrors where it looks like eternity, and David gave the family in the mirror a big gummy smile and a funny little laugh.

The story always comes back to who sent David to our family--and how Heavenly Father trusted AP well enough and He knew David would come be part of our family, even though he didn't grow in Mommy's belly. David heard about how AP said a prayer to ask which family should be David's forever family, and that night Heavenly Father gave AP a dream so she would know the answer. We want to make sure that David knows that once AP made her decision, she never looked back. She had tremendous support from her family. And even though the decision was difficult, they still went through with it--because it was right.

In a four-year old world that centers around courage, and super heroes, and believing the impossible can happen--David heard the story.

And he loved it.

The Same and Different

From the very start of our second adoption process, I have commented that it feels like it will be a very different experience than our first. It just feels differently. I thought I'd highlight some of the things that are similar to David's adoption and some of the things that are--well, not the same.

The Same:

• We chose to go through the same agency, which is LDS Family Services. The office is located in Seattle, and they service Alaska as a satellite location.
• We try to imagine what it will be like--how much time will we have to prepare? Will we go down to a local hospital or fly across the country?  It's kind of like having an adventure waiting to happen any minute--so there's an element of excitement in it.
• We still see the process of adoption as a "marketing" approach for our family. In reality, we are trying to catch the eye of a birth mother, having little indication of what will be important to her. Our first birth mother, AP, told us that she originally took our profile home in a stack to consider because she liked the cape over my wedding dress. That reminds me that our family doesn't have to fit a mold--but the birth mother just needs to be led by the spirit.
• We still feel directed that this is how Heavenly Father wants us to build our family. And these feelings keep us praying for a miracle.

That was then--circa 2008, during our first adoption paperwork process--we were on the banks of the Kenai River.

Different:

• Perhaps most obviously, the length of our wait. Our first birth mother, AP, took our profile home from the agency 3 weeks after we were approved. She let us know 3 weeks later that she had chosen us. And David was born  eleven weeks after that.
• Having a child in our family makes for less aching. He fills our hearts and our time, so while we know with certainty that another child will increase our capacity to love, we don't hurt as much while we wait.
• Having a child in our family makes for more longing. We know better the blessing that awaits us through adoption, so we want it more deeply. And we see how much David wants a sibling, so we want it for him. The other day David asked me,  "Do you think Heavenly Father could send us a little kid to our family?" I asked him what he meant. "Well, I'm getting to be a big boy now, so we need someone else to be the kid in our family." David thinks about this a lot, and he often makes comments about it. Another incident was when I was in the dental chair, and the hygienist's hands were in my mouth. David proudly announced to her that we were going to have a baby in our family. With my tongue indisposed, he had a conversation with the kind lady for several minutes. Clearly she thought that I was pregnant. When I was finally able to jump in, I explained to her that we are always waiting for a new baby to come through adoption.
• Much less trepidation about an open adoption, and the relationship we will have with a birth mother. We were so blessed in our experience with David's birth mother. She is wonderful. We love her. She has given us so much confidence that we can again establish a good relationship with a future birth mother. We know that in many ways, the relationship will be unique, because no two experiences are the same. We feel blessed that our first experience has encouraged us along into our next adoption experience.

This is now--2012 awaiting our 2nd adoption--celebrating a birthday at Benihana.

Book and Media Review: Mother for Choco

This little story is one of David's favorites. 

Mother for Choco found here on Amazon. (No affiliation, just for your reference.)

It tells of finding a family for Choco, a small unique bird. At first he is looking for a mother that looks just like him. He finally finds a mother bear who asks him a few questions, like this:

"Oh dear! If you had a mommy, what would she do?"

"Oh, I'm sure she would hold me," sobbed Choco.

"Like this?" asked Mrs. Bear. And she held Choco very tight.

"Yes . . . and I'm sure she would kiss me, too!"said Choco.

"Like this?" asked Mrs. Bear. And she lifted Choco and gave him a big kiss."

"Yes, and I'm sure she would sing and dance with me to cheer me up," said Choco.

"Like this?" asked Mrs. Bear. And they sang and danced together.

The story's ending is very sweet--where Choco realizes that a mother isn't someone who looks like you, but someone who takes care of you.

Especially for age-appropriate discussions surrounding adoption with young children, this book comes with high recommendations from our whole family!

Happy Easter!

We celebrate the joy of knowing that Our Savior has conquered all!

Happy Easter.

Thoughts on our Second Adoption

We've been waiting for a second adoption to happen in our family for a year now. I've thought a lot about the reasons we do this waiting, hoping, and expecting.

The first adoption was filled with anticipation of becoming parents.

This time we long for a sibling for David. 

I watch him play by himself for the most part every day, and I wish so badly that he would have a playmate his own age to enjoy those hours of play with him.

Sure, we have lots of activities every week, and we arrange play dates for him on a regular basis.

And he's never shy about asking Sam and I to play with him.

But it's different to play with an adult than it is to play with another child.

Even if that adult loves you completely, it is not the same as the ups and downs, happy and sad, wins and losses of learning to play with a comrade who happens to be another kid.

Particularly if that pal is an at-home, built-in friend inside your family.

Someone to grow up with, someone to grow close to.

With all of our hearts, we are praying for the miracle in our family that David will have a sibling. The sooner the better.

I've also thought about how David's identity will change a little when his sibling joins our family.

Right now the ratio of adults to kid is 2:1.

In some ways, that's great. In others, not so great.

Being the only kid can sometimes feel a little exclusive. Like everyone in the house is allowed to do grown up things except David. Everyone in the house is allowed free reign of certain rooms and closets except David.

I'm a firm believer of a few things. The marriage is the most important relationship in the family, and I am a parent first, friend second to my child. Inherent in these principles are boundaries; quite often Sam and I are on one side of the boundary and David is on the other.

Would it be easier for David to respect boundaries if he saw that they applied to another family member, too? That none of the boundaries are personal, but are intended for a collective group of "children."

David will find a lot of delight when his collective group is larger than one.
Come to think of it, we all will.

The Gift of Words

David has the gift of language. I think it's closely linked with his love of music, but who's really to say?

His vocabulary and communication is such that I have to occasionally remind people that he is just barely three, not a year or two older as some assume. At his 2nd year and 3rd year well-child check with the doctor, our pediatrician noted both times on David's medical chart, "Exceptional verbal skills."

In light of this talent that David has been given, we've started memorizing poems. He has a talent with words, and memorization is my attempt to help him develop that talent. To his credit, he memorizes a poem within a day of introducing it to him, and by the end of the week, he'll  have it mastered. (Which means he can recite it without hardly thinking about it.) It gives us another exciting way to pass the time while we drive around town.

Just for fun, here are a few of the poems and scriptures we've worked on lately. Occasionally I'll add a few more. It's a peek into our daily life around here, and perhaps a way to get to know our son a little better. (Although nothing beats his dramatization of these poems! He really turns on his performing side when he recites them.)

Smile

A smile is catching, like measles they say

You better watch out--I have one today.

A smile is catching, and so I suppose

A big one will pop out right under your nose!

Glow Worm

I wish I were a glow worm,

A glow worm's never glum.

'Cuz how can you be grumpy

When the sun shines out your bum!?!

Amos 3:7

Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants, the prophets.

Article of Faith #1
We believe in God, the Eternal Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

Remembering

It has been three years since we were in this room together:

With each passing year, my awe of the miracle of it all deepens.

 And our love for her grows:

 I love to pause and think about this day:

 And I love to celebrate the happiness that this little boy has brought to us.

Words will never be enough to express the gratitude and love we feel for our angel birth mother.