Sam and I have recently reflected on the many miracles that have brought David into our family. He is such a good baby, and we feel that he is a perfect match to be our son. Many people have commented that he looks like one or both of us, and we know he was sent to our family from heaven above.
In March, 2008 we learned of a 3 month old baby that was looking for a forever family. We had previously discussed adoption, but we were waffling between all of our options, and none of them clearly seemed to be the path we should take. The news of this little boy spurred us on to begin the paperwork. It was at this point that our minds were made up about the next step to bring children into our family. Although we were never able to contact the birth mother of this little boy, we felt blessed that he inspired us to find the answer and move forward with determination. We wanted to be parents, and finally we knew how to make that possible.
Two months later, all of our paperwork had been filed with the agency, and our interviews completed. During those two months, answering hard questions consumed all of our spare time. Everything from our upbringing to the stability of our marriage, to our feelings about becoming parents and our intended discipline techniques. Everything. But at our final interview, we learned that my fingerprints had been rejected by the FBI. The right pinky wasn't clearly printed, so they requested a new set to be sent in. That was the only thing standing in our way of being an "approved couple" so birth parents could review our profile.
About this time, we were introduced to a sweet birth mother. We met with her on several occasions, each visit filled with anxiety over whether or not she would select us. She narrowed it down from 5 couples to 3 couples to 2 couples. Then she took a long time laboring over her final decision. At the beginning of August, 10 days before she was due to deliver, we received word that she had selected the other couple. We had grown to love her, and our hopes were cautiously up. It was a heartbreak but also a miracle that she didn't select us. Because again we received word that my fingerprints were not clear enough for FBI approval. So even if she had selected us, she could not have placed her baby with us until we were both cleared through the FBI.
We prayed a lot, and sent in the third copy of my fingerprints. This time we included a letter from the fingerprinting company, stating that "this was the best possible print" that they could get from me. I wondered why they were so worried about my right pinky being unclear. Surely I couldn't do much mischief with that single tiny finger!?!
On September 29, we received approval back from the FBI, and on that same day we were approved through the adoption committee at our agency. The caseworker explained that now the waiting would begin, and the average wait was usually between 6 to 18 months. We later learned that we were approved by the FBI the same week our birth mother learned of her pregnancy. The timing of it all was a miracle.
Sometime in the next three weeks, our caseworker called to tell us that our profile had been taken home to be considered by a birth mother. It was in a stack of other profiles, she explained, and this would give us a flavor of what it is like to be considered by a birth mother. The next time we heard from our caseworker, it was with the news that the birth mother had selected us. That was on November 4, and this news made all the election buzz dim to our ears in comparison. Lots of questions and very few answers--but we could expect to see a letter in the mail with more detials. The next week, we waited anxiously for the mail, but the letter was slow to come. Finally, we called the caseworker and explained that we hadn't received anything, and we were worried that the birth mother would be waiting for our reply. She read me a copy of the letter over the phone, and that's when we learned that we were expecting a son, sometime around February 1. I was shaking when I hung up the phone and immediately called Sam at work with the new details.
In the letter, our sweet birth mother shared a dream she had while she was trying to decide which family should raise the baby she was carrying. She also included ultra sound pictures of our son, and a few details about herself. We called her as quickly as we could and shared our joy and wonderment with her. We instantly fell in love with this sweet angel. She was so reassuring, constantly expressing her love to us, and we could see that we could easily open our hearts to this sweet girl who would bless us with such a precious gift. We continued to talk on the phone weekly with our birth mother to become better acquainted with her.
In the middle of December, right between the holiday travel rush, we flew to the lower 48 to meet our birth mother and her parents. We had one wonderful day together, and instantly fell in love with all of them. We were amazed at the perspective and selflessness they shared with us. We will always treasure them.
The month of January was spent wondering when the phone call would come. On Friday, January 23 we went on a date to the temple together--which was the only occasion when we weren't ready to pounce on our cell phones. Incidentally, when we came out, we had a message from our birth mother, asking when the last flight would leave that evening because she had been having contractions for 24 hours. We reassured her that we could catch a flight any time. We heard from her again on Sunday morning, and that's when the whirlwind began to catch the next departing flight. Our birth mother was very intent on having us at the birth of our son, and we feel that to be a miracle.
The selflessness of our birth mother is more than our hearts can ever describe. She never once called David her son. Even to her teenage friends that visited her in the hospital, she explained how he was completely our son--and all she did was carry him for us. She let us share in the birth--mine was the first face David saw, and Sam cut the umbilical cord. David came quickly, but the labor pains intensified only after we arrived at the hospital. Being at our son's birth will forever be one of the greatest miracles in our hearts.
She was intent on having us at the birth so that we could immediately begin the imprinting, the attachment and bonding, and so we wouldn't miss any moment of our son's life. We love her for the maturity she showed again and again. And we recognize that every step was a mirror of the selflessness on behalf of her family members that stood by her, fully supporting her.
So during this time, when our hearts are full, and temple memories are sweet, we also feel more love for our angel birth mother than we could ever express. We feel grateful for her decisions, her maturity, her wisdom, and her love--for us and for our son. We feel grateful that she was able to be an instrument in the Lord's hands to bring a child into our home. We feel grateful for the miracles she has allowed to come about in our family. We love you, sweet angel birth mother. Heaven will only be heaven if you are there, too.
